Control freaks unite! Plus the 2 quotes that have saved me.
I’ve got a problem. I can’t change it for a while and it’s out of my control.
If you think this sounds like a recipe for something to drive me absolutely nuts, you would be right.
This issue has annoyed me on and off for a couple of years now but lately it’s become an obsession. To a point where I feel like I won’t be happy until this one thing happens.
It’s made me miserable. It has taken up all of my thinking. I have found it so hard to see the good in my life because of the massive roadblock taking up my mental space.
I’m a very ‘feeling’ person. I am, for better or worse, driven by my emotions. If I feel a certain way I think I have to change the situation. But what do you do when this thing is out of your control?
I am impatient by nature. I like to make quick decisions and act on them straight away. I also like getting my own way. Compromise is not a word I’ve had to use too much in my life.
When my life doesn’t look the way I think it should, it makes me pretty shitty. And that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling lately.
I’ve been angry, blaming this situation for all of my problems. Intellectually I know that there are millions of people worse off. I live a ridiculously charmed life. People have to make compromises to their dreams all the time. Are they miserable? Sure, some of them might be, but I don’t think one thing can make our lives perfect. So why is it reasonable to think all of my problems would be solved if this one thing changed for me?
On the weekend, I remembered this quote. and oh my word, what a time to remember it!
Herein lies the answer to all of my problems: Accept the things I cannot change. Accepting your situation doesn’t keep you stuck, resisting it does. Resistance keeps me stuck in anger and makes me feel powerless in my own life. Acceptance lets me move on. Whilst it’s still not my desired scenario, I have to have faith in a higher power that it’s not the right time.
As Steve Jobs said:
"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."
So I’m taking a leaf out of Steve’s book and starting a tech company. Jokes, I don’t want to put Apple out of business.
I’m going to start living my life trusting that the dots will connect in my future. That I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now. I’m accepting that I can’t control everything, nor should I.
This is a lesson I needed to learn. And I’m still learning it - it’s not an easy one for me. But when the next issue out of my control arises I hope I can accept it for what it is, instead of feeling angry and powerless for weeks on end.
Life is always going to throw a few spanners in the works, I’m just hoping to heal from the hits a little quicker each time.
Here’s to finding happiness within the imperfection of our lives. Because it’s the perfect place for us right now.
Do you ever get fixated on things you can’t change? How do you work through it?