The women I admire have this ONE thing in common
It’s daunting running a business.
I worked with a wonderful coach last year that said that having your own business is the biggest lesson in self-development. Boy was she right!
Every time I ‘put myself out there’ by posting on Instagram or sending out a blog post I am overcome with fear. I worry that people won’t like me. It’s a natural feeling, but it’s not conducive to running a successful business. I dream of not caring what others think. Of showing up and not feeling like I need to edit myself to be more palatable for those watching/reading.
There are so many women in business I admire and they have one thing in common: they are completely unapologetic in who they are.
Women like Rachel Hollis, Denise Duffield Thomas, Emma Isaacs and the big dog, Oprah have this quality in spades. They know themselves and own it. They don’t apologise for their success.
I think they still get scared when putting themselves out there (maybe not Oprah) but they do it anyway.
I am a work in progress. Every day I am faced with situations that make me feel uncomfortable. I have some pretty big dreams and if I want to achieve them I have to face this discomfort instead of running away from it.
I am a people pleaser and have always wanted every single person in the whole world to like me. It’s not realistic but it’s an ingrained habit. It makes me edit who I am, or what I post on social media in the hope that others will like me. It’s just not achievable to make people love everything you do. Even if I was ridiculously brilliant, that would shit people off too. You can’t win!
As trivial as it may seem, it impacts how I live my life. I am so focused on others feeling good that I forget to make sure that I feel ok. Does anyone else find themselves being self-deprecating to make others comfortable? I do and I notice so many others doing the same. We’d hate to come across as too intimidating or successful - the horror!
When I write something (like what you’re reading right now) I get scared to post it in the off chance someone thinks I’m a dickhead. But what’s the alternative? That I live in a little cave where I never try anything new. I don’t grow as a person and I never achieve anything? It doesn’t seem right.
So how do I go from being scaredy-cat, people-pleasing Emily to a boss who doesn’t apologise for who she is?
Here’s the key things I’m working on:
Don’t over compensate. Show up exactly how you feel. If you are super excited about something, be excited. Don’t edit yourself because it’s not cool. If you’re over something, don’t pretend you’re loving it. Let awkwardness happen. It’s not gonna kill you!
Don’t apologise for your success. Don’t downplay it – own it. Doing this allows others to do the same. Often when I have good things in my life I feel greedy, or like I’m a show off. I have always had a fear of people thinking that I think I’m top shit. Even that line sounds ridiculous when I write it out.. ‘other people thinking that I think’ COME ON!
Love yourself in any season. Whether you’re dominating and having massive success or things aren’t quite where you’d like them. Just be that. Don’t sugar coat things because it’s more comfortable. How often do we just roll out a script ‘oh yeah things are great. Have been super busy. Working on this. Doing that.’ Boring! Be yourself. Everything is always changing and you won’t be in the spot you are forever – good or bad!
Get used to being uncomfortable. I love a good comfort zone and always thought it was crap that we should get outside of it. Why would you ever want to leave when it’s so lovely here? But the more I push myself beyond the zone, the more I (reluctantly) realise that it’s true. I gain more confidence. It opens up possibilities. I grow so much as a person. And I feel like I can do anything!
Don’t give up. It will take practise to act like yourself at all times if you’re not used to it. There are patterns of behaviour that we’ve created over a lifetime. As women I believe we are raised to make things easier for others. I can see this collectively changing which is amazing, but it’s going to take some time for us to shake it off. Just keep trying. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. (Thanks Pantene)
So this is basically a pep talk to myself and I hope you can see some benefit for yourself too.
When we are completely ourselves we allow others to do the same. You know that friend that cuts the bullshit? Where you can be chilled knowing that if she comes around and you’ve got last nights dishes in the sink and Barry Wilsons hair covering the floor that there will be no judgement? That’s what you can be to others.
It’s so much easier to be you. It might be uncomfortable, but in the long run it's definitely easier. You won’t burn out and you’ll enjoy yourself a hell of a lot more.
Let’s cut the judgement of ourselves and others. Let’s take off the mask and show up exactly as we are. And know that I’ll be just as fearful as you. But I’ll be worrying just a little less than yesterday if you like me or not.
- Emily x
Do you struggle with being unapologetic in who you are? Tell me what you are most worried about! Or are you a total boss just getting on with it? Tell me some of your tips!
If you like this or know anyone that may benefit, feel free to share it around.